A New Beginning

This morning I found out I was going to be a father. Even though it was planned and discussed with my wife it was still somewhat of a shock.

It’s the middle of March and we are getting hammered by winter storm Stella causing my Jessica to be home from work.  I always get up before her so my day started like any other feeding the dogs and taking them out for their morning ritual.  I did some cleaning up around the kitchen, did some work on my computer, and parked myself on the couch watching the news coverage of the storm.  After the repetitive nature of the news was getting to me, I took out my phone and started watching YouTube video.  Specifically, I was watching a pretty lame Photoshop tutorial of a guy editing real estate photos.  Neither him nor I knew that his video would be a solidifying moment in my life.  About halfway through the tutorial, I hear Jessica get up from bed and head to the bathroom.  Within a couple minutes, she yells down the hall “Ooops, can you come here I think I just broke this.”  I hit pause and proceed down the hall, wondering what I am going to have to spend the rest of the afternoon putting back together.  I walk into the bathroom and I see three pregnancy test laying on the counter.  She says “I’m pregnant.”

Now like I said, it shouldn’t have been that much of a surprise as it was planned, but it still was.  You watch these video on Facebook of wives telling their husbands they are pregnant and they immediately get filled with joy and start crying.  I had always known I probably wouldn’t cry (being a tough guy and all), but I expected excitement.  Instead I felt the pressure of the world on my shoulders.  I felt anxiety and fear.  It was one thing to discuss having a child, it was another to suddenly be faced with the reality.  The overwhelming feeling of realizing another human being was going to be 100% dependent on me outweighed the joy I could feel in that moment.  I was happy.  I know I was.  My mind was just moving faster than I could process.

It was nice that today was a snow day so Jessica and I got to spend the time together.  The day consisted mostly of play regarding the naming of little baby T, figuring out and planning for the due date, inventing creative ways to tell our closest family members, and me repeatedly asking if Jessica was playing a joke on me.

So now here we sit, watching Shameless with our fur babies by our side.  It still doesn’t seem real, but the journey starts today.  I’m excited for what the future holds because it will be nothing like I have experienced before.  Let’s see what tomorrow brings.